Love at First Sight … is it really?

Oh media … how I love thee. *sighs*

It is the oldest love myth we’ve all come to love and question.

Is there such a thing as “love at first sight?”

I’ve come to love Dr. Galician’s research and once again, she nails it on the head. The media in all forms likes to convey this myth to the popular culture. Why? Sex sells. Emotion sells. Excitement sells. Plus they’re far easier to portray and for the audience to follow then the slow progression of love.

A university survey towards men and women asked if there is such a thing as “love at first sight.” Half agreed and the other didn’t. The point is HALF did believe in the myth. On Bizjournal.com, they took an excerpt from the book “100% AMERICAN” by Daniel Evan Weiss and published by Poseidon Press. From that book there was a question of “love at first sight” and the statistic showed 57% women believed in the love myth.

Dr. Galician mentions how the media would convey this myth by camera angles, panning in and out on the character slowly making the scene dramatic with emotion. Course we can’t forget the multiple books, movies, music and shows on TV that has helped society underestimate what love is.

Courtesy of cartoonstock.comHere are some examples of “love at first sight” courtesy of the text “Love, Sex, & Romance in the Media.”

Books – Gone with the Wind, Romeo & Juliet

Movies – Red of Roses; Cinderella; Snow White … Bambie…etc; City of Angels; Coming to America; Footloose; The French Lieutenant’s Woman; Moulin Rouge; Notting Hill; Out of Sight; Romeo & Juliet; South Pacific; Serendipity; Titanic; Wayne’s World; The Wedding Planner; West Side Story

Recorded Music – Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered; I Love You; I Saw Her Standing There; Just One Look (That’s All It Took); Lady in Red; Love at First Sight; Love in the Library

Television - 90210; Dharma & Greg; Family Matters; Full House; Mad About You; Melrose Place; Saved by the Bell; Sex and the City; Passions; Grey’s Anatomy

Here’s a blogger who as absolute faith in “love at first sight.” This blogger has been hearing “lust at first sight more often but won’t deny that she still has faith, in fact she says, “I don’t see why you can’t fall in love at first sight. I guess I’ve always been a believer in it and no one has been able to change my mind about it.”

There is one blogger who absolutely thinks “love at first sight” is a “crock of poop” in fact she says, “love at first sight is a shallow statement and should honestly be erased from the world’s vocabulary.” Gotta love that.

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26 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I for one do belive in the “myth” Love is illogical; its funny hearing myself saying that since i am an engineer and our life revoles around logic, lol. In any case though, it may not be both people being in love, it could be just one. This is coming from personal experience.

    But really now, most people see the other person and falls in love with them, btu this happends on different degrees of love, it could be a little or it could be a lot. I say this because people fall in love and out of love in any relationship. Have you seen the divorce rate lately???

    -Chris

  2. […] Darkspell wrote a fantastic post today on “Love at First Sight … is it really?”Here’s ONLY a quick extractBambie…etc; City of Angels; Coming to America; Footloose; The French Lieutenant’s Woman; Moulin Rouge; Notting Hill; Out of Sight; Romeo & Juliet; South Pacific; Serendipity; Titanic; Wayne’s World; The Wedding Planner; West Side Story … […]

  3. I will definitely admit that the media over exagerates “love at first sight” and that is does have a negative affect on what people’s definition of “love” is. The love portrayed by the media most often is in all actuality, lust. It is a scene where two people gaze into eachothers eyes and, with the backgroud music playing to enhance the viewers mood, both parties know that they have fallen in love. From there they continue by expressing that “love” in many sort of physical expression. And…that’s it. That was “love at first sight”. Now I am definitely not saying love at first sight doesn’t exist becuase by saying that I would be overestimating my intelligence by assuming I have knowledge of every single relationship that has ever graced the face of the earth. I do believe though that what the media often calls love, is in fact lust. If they wanted to acurately portray love at first sight they would have to continue following the couple into the years where the real intimacy of the realtionship flourishes. Where the couple would encounter differing opinions, the tedious task of managing finances, the awkardness at times of sexual intimacy, weight gain after having kids and all the other less glamorous, but equally important, aspects of love as it is acted out in a real-life, commited realtionship.

  4. Chris, since you say people fall in and out of love a lot… do you have any experience in that? Plus do you still want to call it “love” or lust?

  5. Now Sarah, everything you say is true from an analytical psychology major way (which you are) but I also know for a fact you have been in “love” far many times then I can count. Is there any way behind your subconscious that the media (Disney movies?) may have affected you to keep on trying to find “the one”?

  6. First off, there are many different types of love. I love you, you say “I love you victor” when we’re on the phone but that doesn’t mean that you’re head over heels for us. I can say that I have only been truly in love once, and that is with Victor. I do still love Devin and Gary but not in the same way as I do Victor. The media may have played a very small insignificant role in that but the majority of
    that has been my socialization growing up and mostly the role my mother played in my life. My quest to continue finding “the one” is a person choice just like staying a virgin has been a personal choice,
    the media definitely hasn’t played any part in that or else I’d be sleeping with everyone I was with. Part of that was also influence by my religion. We believe that marriage is a sacred thing between a man
    and a women, a gift so to speak, and with that comes the joy of sex, being able to put into physical form the emotion of love. I will say that media did play a role in defining what constituted a virgin and
    also sex but, again, my view was changed due to understanding more about what the bible says. So breaking it down, the major factors were my mom and my religious beliefs, the media obviously frames much of what our society believes to be a “relationship” or acceptable behavior while in a relationship but I don’t think any of that had a big part in my way of thinking. So, do I believe in true love and that
    people can live happily ever after? Of course! Will everybody get it? No. Why not? Becuase it takes a lot of work to acheive it. In the end, though, its worth it.

  7. Love at first sight – Is it just a celluloid reality?

    Their eyes met. Time seemed to come to a standstill. Like the famous lines ”aur us pal me koi nahin hai. Bus ek mai hu aur ek tum ho.” Though this magical first look and falling in love at first sight has been a staple of romantic novels and movies…

    • Thanks Anonymous for your comment (sorry for the late reply, I will not start updating this blog)

      Yes love at first sight has been a staple of romantic novels and movies but also history. There are so many documentaries. Do you have a personal experience you want to share? Would you say that, “first sight” is really all in our heads and not real at all?

  8. Love at first sight is a widely debated notion. Some say that true love based on physical appearance without a deeper understanding of a person does not exist. Others argue that one may be able to recognize true love immediately.

    I am currently studying Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, and trust me, I believe in love at first sight completly. Romeo and Juliet fall in love and get married in a matter of days. It all happens so quickly it might seem hard to believe. But it’s not so hard to think of times in our own lives when we’ve fallen in love at first sight – if not with a person, then with a significant thing, like a house or a car or a dream job.

    We can see that love at first sight did exist during the time of shakespeare, but has it died with Romeo and Juliet? Course not…its just rarer.

    • Thanks Anonymous for your comment. (Sorry the late reply, I will officially start updating!) I love Shakespeare’s work. Though a lot of his work is usually the extreme love and jealousy bit (oh Shakespeare how we miss thee). You are absolutely right about who we can fall in love with a material object. Do you have a personal experience where love at the first sight with a person is real? It took me a full year to finally say “I Love You” to my boyfriend. I wanted to BE SURE. I didn’t want to be one of those ladies who flaunt the ILuvU to every male in town. But I do wonder, I have a few friends who got married a month later after meeting their true love. Can it really be true?

  9. Romeo and Juliet is a book.
    get over yourself and start looking at stuff for what it is.
    Love at first sight doesn’t exist.
    There can be intense lust at first sight, but love takes time.

    • Thanks Samantha for your comment (sorry for the late reply) Yes Romeo and Juliet is a book and yes there can be intense lust at first sight and love by no means is easy. Would you say that the media has skewed humanity’s minds into thinking there is love at first sight…such as all those chick flicks and Disney movies?

    • I totally agree.

  10. People always say from what their experience.

    When I first saw a photo of a man I met on the internet, an idea popped up that he would exactly be my good friend and I did like him very much(feeling like we talked a lot about the same interesting topics in our first meeting)but, in fact, without reason or talking but just about 7-8 lines of messages in his first e-mail.

    Now it’s 4 years that I’ve been his friend and we are going to spend time together. Moreover, he is totally different from other guy I’ve met.

    • Thanks Mongmang for your comment. I’m a little confused, so are you saying that after a few sentences from an online friend, you knew right away this person would make a great friend? As a result 4 years later you are still friends and is nothing like the other guys you’ve met? Liking is easy and that’s true we can judge a person’s character when we first meet them, first impressions. What in those sentences really stand out that made you want to make him your good friend? Did you ever fall in love with him?

  11. Im afraid i am going to have to disagree with alot of the individuals that have spoken on this site. Love at first site i personally believe is completely media based. Love is what the individual makes it, well thats what i think either way. You could have amazing chemistry as well and a strong lust towards the initial meeting of another. But, love i beleive reveals a much stronger connection that no matter what could take time. how you could fully trust and want to spend the rest of your life with a person you barely know?

    • Thanks Nic for your comment. (again…sorry for the late reply….) You’re correct on believing love takes a long time and I personally think you will always have to work at the love all your life. I talked to someone who was with her love for 5 years, they were married etc. Then one day he revealed a secret she had no idea and took off. He was her best friend. Another guy I talked to, he was 62 years old, he was with his wife for 17 years, he loved her…worshipped her. Then one day she walked away with a younger, richer guy. How? Why? Do you think you could love more than one person? Is it possible to love someone your whole life, be with them and then the love is gone?

  12. I do believe in “love at first sight” and wanted to share a story about my sister and her fiancee. My sister is very mature, sane, and balanced individual that is almost 47yrs old and though had several “almosts” for marriage, things never worked out.

    Her, now fiancee, was married and divorced twice and is 52yrs old. He is also a very balanced individual-both are professional, educated people-who are very sensible…..

    They bumped into each other “so to speak”, while going to pick up a Sunday paper after church…..they lived within 5-10miles from each other for years….both entered the store alone…both were lonely and wondering if they would ever find someone to share life with…

    They caught each other’s eye immediately….and “just knew”…she gave him her number, which would not be something she would do. The rest is history.

    He talked of marrying her within a month….there has never been anyone before that she could ever really see herself making a marriage commitment to fully….That was a year ago and they are marrying on Oct. 17th.

    Of course, a relationship must be able to progress properly and much work and commitment must be expended on both parts…continually for it to work.

    There are all kinds of love, all kinds of relationships…it is not the same for everyone, but it is fact that “love at first sight” is possible. However, it takes a lot more from there to make it work….

    Love, divorce, and the statistics regarding both have been written about and studied so much. There are common, known factors that must be there and remain for a healthy relationship to work.

    But no one to this day has all the answers…and there are unexplained things regarding the subject of “love”….thank God for that…..anything is possible to them that believe!

    • Thanks Pam for your comment. That’s a beautiful story! I’m happy for your sister and your new brother-in-law! That’s very interesting and reveals that love at first sight is possible. Do you think that they just happened to be at the right spot at the right time? Do you personaly believe at love at first sight? Did you sister believe at love at first sight before she met her new husband? I do agree that you have to work at the relationship to keep the “love” alive.

  13. I do not believe in love at first sight because to love a person you have get to know them first maybe your just attracted to that person and you just confuse it with love.

    • Thanks Serena for your comment. There is argument that it’s not love but lust at first sight. Do you think the reason why some people feel it’s “love at first sight” cause of how they grew up and what they saw in the media?

  14. I do believe in love at first sight because I have experienced it. However, I think it’s important to understand that by love at first sight one does not mean love at FIRST SIGHT but rather, love during the first sightings and after some observation. That is to say, it is possible to fall for someone after being around them for a few weeks, without having to interact with them personally. Even so, it is sometimes possible to literally fall in love at first sight, after the first time you lock eyes, though you wouldn’t label it love till later, when it is confirmed. I didn’t believe in love at first sight until it happened to me last year. I don’t think it’s just “lust” because one can lust after numerous individuals as most ppl encounter lots of attractive ppl. It has to be more than that. I have to say, however, that I have only experienced it once in my 27 yrs, which only makes me believe in it even more. I never felt as strongly about any one else though I have had some interesting, deep relationships with some very attractive males.

    • Thanks Owlie for your comment! If you have never even heard of the concept of “love at first sight” nor seen how the interaction was through movies and television, would you think your reaction to that one person would have been that strong? Do you think you would have treated him the same as everyone else if the concept never existed for you?

  15. Oh god. “Love at first sight” isn’t LOVE. It’s lust or the obsession with someone’s looks…you fall in love with someone because you get to know them and their personality, not because of how they look or a first impression.

    Since love is supposed to be the deepest connection between two people (or something) how can you possibly just LOOK at someone and KNOW they’re the right one for you? Answer: you can’t. The media plays on people’s desperate desires to find “the One” -the desire for a whirlwind romance complete with none of the uncertainty–because they’re the “one” you know they’ll stay with you forever. Until the movie ends.

    I’m not saying I don’t believe in love or that it can’t last your whole life! The kind of love that does last, the TRUE love, is when you really know a person and love them for who they are, instead of creating a perfect boyfriend or girlfriend around what they look like when you first lay eyes on them. THAT relationship is built on fantasy instead of reality, and is doomed to fail.

    • Thanks Amy for your comment! Isn’t it interesting the logic is there, but somehow the myth has surpassed even natural disasters? How do you explaining the one off situation when some get married after knowing someone only a month and are happily married?

  16. I don’t believe in love at first sight. Of course, a lot depends on our definition of love–but I think it’s different from infatuation. When you love someone, you love them for everything he is. When you’re infatuated with someone, you love the ideal image you set them up to be. That’s why you can never truly love someone at first sight. You simply don’t know them well enough. As you spend time with them and begin to appreciate their qualities, a feeling of love develops. But that takes time.
    I think the media promotes the idea of love at first sight so much, but it really doesn’t make any sense.


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