Wanted: Right Mate

The infamous quote of the century. My question is, how did Jerry KNOW that Dorothy could in fact COMPLETE him? Like she was the missing puzzle piece to his heart? (or she had his wallet…) There are countless movies, lyrics and books where they all in a round about way mention if you find the right mate who completes you, they will finally fill your every need and make all your dreams come true. (kind of a high standard right?)

From the textbook, “Sex, Love and Romance in the Mass Media,” dating expert Mary Laner suggest, ” that the depersonalization inherent in our mass media society might lead to unrealistically high expectations and individual longings for a close relationship in which one person will satisfy every need. “ Does the song … “Some day my prince will come….Some day when my dreams come true..” sang by Snow White ring any bells? Admittedly, we have all grown up thinking there is only ONE person out there that can truly complete us and make us happy. The reality is, the higher the expectations, the harder we fall when they aren’t met.

We see it in the movies, like most Disney and chick flicks, and also music lyrics with titles like “I can’t live, if living is without you,” and “You’re nobody till somebody cares.” Or you can go to the bookstore and buy the book, “From Your Lips to God’s Ears…Finding Your Right Mate in 10 easy Steps. (All for the small price of $12.95)  Some excerpts from the book,  “Are you lonely? Do you long for that special someone to complete you? Do you think that the right mate is impossible to find? This is a very unique little book on how to find that special someone that may have been eluding you in this lifetime.” (Not only do we have to find the person who completes us…but they may have been hiding?)

Having such idealistic views on who and how the right mate will complete you can only lead to disappointment and depression once your anxiety issues hit the fan. The path to success is to complete yourself instead of using that line, “You had me at hello,” every chance you get.

The following are examples of where we might have gotten this illusion.

Books – Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, and most romance novels

Movies – Pretty Woman, When Harry Met Sally, You’ve Got Mail!, An Officer & a Gentleman, Last of the Mohicans, Only You, Sleepless in Seattle, City of Angels, Only You

Television – 90210, Mad About You, Ozzie & Harriet, Dawson’s Creek, I Dream of Jeanie

Music – You Complete Me, Because You Love Me, All of My Life

Dr. Galician number one love myth in her text, Love Sex & Romance in the Media is known other than:

“Your perfect partner is cosmically predestined, so nothing/nobody can ultimately separate you.”

Sure it seems surreal, but there are many who truly believe this love myth. In fact, according to Dr. Galician’s text, a “Rutgers University National Marriage Project study of 1,0003 young adults ages 20 to 29 showed a shocking majority (94%) of the never-married singles had a romantic, unrealistic view of marriage that included staying single until they found a ‘perfect’ mate.”

It has also been known that media critics suggest television is partly responsible for these irrational viewpoints since the majority of TV writers are young and single. Love is one of the oldest and widely praised emotion that is constantly exploited on TV such as the reality dating shows. Media critics have more than once calls these shows, “fruitless searches for the perfect mates.”

One blogger posted up a snapshot of her journal doodled with a checklist of what a perfect mate has to have. (39 points to be exact)

Another blogger had doubts, but after a month worth of lame eharmony.com advertisements on TV did she sub scumming to filling out of those dating surveys anyway. Realized after that 200th question of compatibility including, “Would you like her to respect your views?” After a grueling process of answer idiotic questions when honestly some should be left unanswered, she finally said, ‘There’s never a Perfect match.’

Below is a short list of what forms of medium are illustrating this love myth.

Movies -Bridget Jones’s Diary, Brigadoon, Cinderella, Fools Rush In, Grosse Pointe Blank, Only You, Sleepless in Seattle, Sliding Doors, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, What Dreams May Come, When Harry Met Sally, Women on Top

Music - You Are My Destiny, You Were Meant for Me

Television – Dharma and Greg, Friends, Sex and the City

A YouTube video below shows several women describing their “perfect” mate.

It is one of the many characteristics that we humans have in common with all species. (Yes … including the praying mantis and probably ferrets … weird I know)

It is also a characteristic that sometimes makes or breaks-up relationships. Mary-Lou Galician’s textbook, “Love, Sex, Romance in the Media” has identified 12 love myths, including this one.

“If your partner is truly meant for you, sex is easy and wonderful.“

I can’t help but add that this idea sometimes leads to divorce when all the couple needed to do is work it out…but I digress.

Sex is an intimate subject that is used as a driving marketing tool for most media outlets. Magazines are a big part of this. According to Galician, “Magazines are often considered cultural barometers.” Women magazine’s are just as explicit as the ones that targets men.

Sex is promoted as an elixir to our society and as Galician puts it, “sex sell.” With these magazine covers advertising sex in an enticing way, it helps supports the publications while also fueling the minds of male and female readers of what love and sex are suppose to mean.

Glamour Magazine has an online sex survey that asks for the reader’s thoughts on whether being in love improves their sex life or vice versa.Here are some headlines on some popular magazine covers.

Cosmo

“7 Relationship Truths Every Women in Love Must Learn” (That we MUST learn they say…)

“Every Guy’s Private Marriage Checklist” (wow…a checklist?… Really?)

Maxim
“SEX ME! – All Roads Leads to Her Bed” (wow…that sucks to be us…what if the guy is a douchebag…)

It’s been a known fact that experts and Joe Shmoe say that video games influence those that play them.

Then there are those that argue they don’t.

I say there are some that do … and don’t.

Let’s take the well-known game, “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.” According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, it is “the hottest selling and, by reputation, one of the most violent game on today’s video market.”

In the defense for who do believe games influence gamers … to violence, teenager Devin Moore is a prime suspect for this suspicion. In fact, in 2005, he killed 3 police officers claiming he was influence by the video game, “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.” According to The Inquirer, Moore said, ““Life is a video game, you have to die sometime.”

Ironically, the same parent company, Take-Two Interactive, that made “Grand Theft Auto” invented a game released 4 months later that say will “will prevent any excitement or emotional involvement, inappropriate or otherwise, on the part of the player.”

Can you say…cover-up?

One can’t deny the fact that any form of medium, whether it’s video games or television, does have some sort of influence to our society.

In my opinion, I think the biggest difference is when the viewer does not know what’s real or not.

According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Zack Hunter may think that, “Video games like “Grand Theft Auto” appeal to kids ‘who don’t know the difference between fiction and reality.’”

Blogger, Jay C posted a video of a documentary that depicts how video games affects our culture. He says, “Directors Marcin Ramocki and Justin Strawhand have created ‘8-Bit’, a film that examines the affect video games have had on our culture, whether it be through art, music or other creative outlets.

An artwork below from hardcircle.net uses our favorite Nintendo characters as players of violence.

“To attract and keep a man, a woman should look like a model or a centerfold.”

In entertainment, there are beauties galore. From the fashion world, to movies, TV, book covers … even the hand models for lotion. It’s a huge stereotype that has affected real-life relationships and self-perception resulting in hazardous health and depression.

According to Dr. Galician’s text, “Unrealistic Playboy-style pictures of attractive women can have attitudinal and behavioral effects on men and on their real-life relationships. Real women can’t measure up to these seemingly real fantasies.” Unfortunately, this also affects young girls who feel they have to grow up to a certain irrational standard of beauty. On the flip-side, young males are also depicted as having to always have muscular body-builder bodies as oppose to feminized male physique.

Dr. Galician did a survey at Arizona State University on this particular question. Very few men or women agree that woman should look like a model or centerfold to attract and hold a man. As a result, within those small percentages men are far more likely to agree (around 15%-compared with only around 3% of the women).

Photo on the left by By Bru Garcia, AFP/Getty Images. USATODAY .com said the picture is of models who were to wait backstage during a Madrid fashion week. The Madrid fashion show, which ended Saturday, banned overly thin models, saying it wanted to project beauty and health. Organizers said models had to be within a healthy weight range.

USATODAY.com wrote an article asking if thin models warped girls’ body image. An excerpt from the article said, “The promotion of the thin, sexy ideal in our culture has created a situation where the majority of girls and women don’t like their bodies,” says body-image researcher Sarah Murnen, professor of psychology at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio. “And body dissatisfaction can lead girls to participate in very unhealthy behaviors to try to control weight.”

For the folks that absolutely have to look like the cover model or the actresses on TV, there are actually self-help websites, blogs, books that say, “How to look like a Model.”

One blogger posted several pictures of celebrities without their make-up trying to prove how powerful make-up can be. This posted received a comment from an anotomyous blogger who said,

“Totally true. Plus a good hairstylist, good lighting, and good photography can make anyone look, if not glamorous, at least arty. When I was a kid, my father did some professional photography (really high quality stuff). He made everyone look beautiful or, for those with atypical proportions, visually striking. And I still use some of the tricks I picked up during a brief modeling stint 30 some years ago. Even now, I can look much “hotter” than I really am, though it takes more effort than I usually care for.”

Another blogger from NYC posts her own experiance. She wrote, “I wish I could believe that appearances don’t really matter, but we all know they do.” She goes on and mentions an encounter with a friend who constantly apologized for not looking as “hot” as she used to. She wrote, “After eighteen years of marriage, the wife of this ridiculously ripped man kept prefacing sentences with, “I know it’s hard to believe, but I was a catch when he found me” or “I used to be much thinner”. She felt like she had to apologize to the world for her appearance, even though she had found a beautiful man to love her. Now, no one rolls out of bed looking perfect.“

Nicely put.

After the recent post, Cristina, a blogger, posted a comment in reaction to what I had to say:

Comment: “Gee, well…. it’s really hard. But I’ve started to accept my body, even though I can’t say it out loud, I just think I do. I’ve suffered from Anorexia since age 14 (I’m 27 now and recently entered treatment last June) and sure the media does tell women how they should look and how it will make them happy and crap. But it’s all a lie.”

Here’s my question to Cristina’s response:

Q: I’m glad you are in treatment and started to accept your body. If you don’t mind me asking, was one of the reason why you suffered from Anorexia as a young girl due to what you saw from the media?

The media are all around us, and most of the times we take the media for granted. One example of a medium would be the press. Just recently, the Phoenix New Times published a cover page article titled “Breathtaking Abuse of the Constitution” last week on details from a secret grand jury proceeding, knowing full well it would be illegal to do so. (The title says it all, doesn’t it?)

Writers and founders of the Phoenix New Times, Michael Lacey and Jim Larkin wrote in the beginning of the article, “It is, we fear, the authorities’ belief that what you are about to read here is against the law to publish. But there are moments when civil disobedience is merely the last option. We pray that our judgment is free of arrogance.”

In a nutshell, Sheriff Joe Arpaio sued the Phoenix New Times for publishing his home address in 2004 online since it is illegal in the state of Arizona to publish a law enforcement officer’s address Web. Since then it has escalated to both executives Lacey and Larkin being arrested after publishing details of a grand jury investigation, including a subpoena demanding information about readers of that paper’s Web site going back more than three years.

What’s interesting is the response our society has to this case since it was made public.

According to EditorandPublisher.com, “Many member papers of the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies (AAN) are now providing links on their Web sites that inform readers to online sites which list the home address of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. They say they are doing this in solidarity with the Phoenix New Times.”

Every news medium is talking about freedom of the press, and interestingly enough, those who have never read, or have not supported the New Times have shown their opinions too.

Some comments from the New Times article were:

“I was never a loyal reader to New Times, but this whole issue will make me the most loyal reader you have. I’m going to spread the word!”

“I support New Times 100% on this, and I am a conservative Republican. …. I was never a loyal reader to New Times …”

This reader has officially changed his political party (almost):

“I am a Republican and past supporter of Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Sadly, I also voted for Andrew Thomas in the last election. Sorry. (Voted for Dan Saban for Sheriff, though, phew!) I think the song from The Who best describes how I feel right now: “Won’t get fooled again”. Who am I voting for in the next election??? Anybody but Joe Arpaio and Andrew Thomas. That’s who!”

It’s interesting to see some people actually change their views based on one article they have read and from what they have learned from the news and online.

One blogger agrees how our society revolves around the media. She wrote, “We live in a fascinating world. It is a world of constant technological innovation, a world where the culture is created by creative advertisements and information is accessible with the click of a button. Media drives our economy, provides entertainment and supplies access to information. It plays an important role in our daily lives and influences the choices the make in whatever we do or buy.”

It is the oldest love myth we’ve all come to love and question.

Is there such a thing as “love at first sight?”

I’ve come to love Dr. Galician’s research and once again, she nails it on the head. The media in all forms likes to convey this myth to the popular culture. Why? Sex sells. Emotion sells. Excitement sells. Plus they’re far easier to portray and for the audience to follow then the slow progression of love.

A university survey towards men and women asked if there is such a thing as “love at first sight.” Half agreed and the other didn’t. The point is HALF did believe in the myth. On Bizjournal.com, they took an excerpt from the book “100% AMERICAN” by Daniel Evan Weiss and published by Poseidon Press. From that book there was a question of “love at first sight” and the statistic showed 57% women believed in the love myth.

Dr. Galician mentions how the media would convey this myth by camera angles, panning in and out on the character slowly making the scene dramatic with emotion. Course we can’t forget the multiple books, movies, music and shows on TV that has helped society underestimate what love is.

Here are some examples of “love at first sight” courtesy of the text “Love, Sex, & Romance in the Media.”

Books – Gone with the Wind, Romeo & Juliet

Movies – Red of Roses; Cinderella; Snow White … Bambie…etc; City of Angels; Coming to America; Footloose; The French Lieutenant’s Woman; Moulin Rouge; Notting Hill; Out of Sight; Romeo & Juliet; South Pacific; Serendipity; Titanic; Wayne’s World; The Wedding Planner; West Side Story

Recorded Music – Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered; I Love You; I Saw Her Standing There; Just One Look (That’s All It Took); Lady in Red; Love at First Sight; Love in the Library

Television - 90210; Dharma & Greg; Family Matters; Full House; Mad About You; Melrose Place; Saved by the Bell; Sex and the City; Passions; Grey’s Anatomy

Here’s a blogger who as absolute faith in “love at first sight.” This blogger has been hearing “lust at first sight more often but won’t deny that she still has faith, in fact she says, “I don’t see why you can’t fall in love at first sight. I guess I’ve always been a believer in it and no one has been able to change my mind about it.”

There is one blogger who absolutely thinks “love at first sight” is a “crock of poop” in fact she says, “love at first sight is a shallow statement and should honestly be erased from the world’s vocabulary.” Gotta love that.

To reflect on our society’s couple relationship is to see the new modern era of equality, open mindedness and communication. But with the new will always come with at least some of the old.

Dr. Mary-Lou Galician at Arizona State University also stated another common stereotype in her textbook, “Sex, Love & Romance in the Media,” that said:

“The man should NOT be shorter, weaker, younger, poorer, or less successful than the woman.”

A quote Galician pulled from Late Nite with David Letterman:

“Well, I can wear heels now.”

-Nicole Kidman, discussing her split from Tom Cruise

Galician speaks of the myth for male superiority in romantic relationships and how in our mass media, the myth is reinforced even in nonfiction entertainment forms like the news: A news anchor “couple” is practically always an older man with a younger woman. They’re hardly ever the same age, much less an older/younger man duo.

Interestingly enough, Galician did a survey with her Love Quiz with male and female university students and by a 4:1 ratio (80% disagree/20% agree) both sexes deny they believe in male-female inequality in relationships.

Typically as the sand in the hourglass fades away and new ideas and thoughts are brought up, old traditional views, such as the male superiority would fade and equality would reign.

Surprisingly, it’s the opposite.

Based on Galician’s survey, she found that the Generation Xers were more likely than the older Baby Boomers to believe in the stereotypical myth. She gives credit to our current forms of music videos, which tend to portray patriarchal couple ship and objectified females.

This picture is just a photo I found. By analyzing the photo, the couple seems happy. To look closer, the male is sitting higher than the female, holding her all while looking straight at the camera. As for the female, she is crossed leg with her arms crossed and looking up at him, almost for approval. It’s just a photo, but these are the types of pictures in our media that displays male superiority instead of the ever searching equality.

This photo is actually from someone’s photo album (who I believe is a photographer) and purposefully posed this couple to show male dominace.

The photographer, Andre, wrote, “This is a great photo of social commentary. Its a classic pose, one that shows male dominance over his woman and that the woman knows her place. The man with eyes looking forward, arms around his property, tells others to back off. The woman, whose head is tilted up and eyes gazing on her man, shows that she is OK with being the subservient one. If nothing else, the artist has suggested his view of Man as King is alive and well in today’s society.”

But how real is reality TV?

There are so many different types of reality show it’s actually kind of funny. The thing is, the only way these shows are created is if there will be a high rating of viewers.

What’s interesting is that some reality shows are a release for some viewers as a way to escape their daily lives. For some, these reality shows are a way to connect with the outside world and realized that their own lives aren’t as dysfunctional as they thought.

Not to mention the shows that is about self-improvement, such as “What Not to Wear,” or “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” The viewers that watch these shows may want to take the shows advice or change how their house looks from the show, “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”

However, a lot of the shows undergo tons of editing and in order to make each episode stand out, the editors would have to edit the reel enough to make it dramatic … making the end result manipulative and … not so real.

If you do like reading about the current going-ons in reality television, here’s a blog that is dedicated to just that.

Question:

How would you make people aware of how the media affect our society (other than your blog)?
My Opinion:

Quite frankly, I think the media are one of the most creative and successful outlets in order to reach a mass of people all at once. Media literacy should be taught at high school level as part of our history and social studies courses. The topic itself is really interesting, and does not have to span back to Gutenberg times, but to recent events. That way, the students will be interested and they would feel involved in some way. But a classroom is a classroom.

I think it has been done, though I cannot for the life of me remember any examples, but wouldn’t it be ironic, to shoot a 40-sec commercial of how certain mediums can influence individuals for the worse? What better way to reach a large group of people all at once, with a limited budget and limited time.

Next topic … comics

The media do not consist only of television, radio and newspapers. It can also include online, film, comics etc. Whatever form that can reach a mass of people.

I would like to talk about the daily comics.

We read, we laugh and we joke around when we read the comics in our newspapers or online. Funny how some of the comic strips strike home to so many people reflecting how our society really is.

A Georgia State University study published in the national Journal of Marriage and the Family found that particular well-known comic strips (Blondie, Bloom County, Cathy, Dennis the Menace, The Family Circus, Garfield, Hi and Lois, Little Orphan Annie, Peanuts, Pogo and Ziggy ) were reflections on how the society was during those days.

• “Men penned the majority of comics, reflecting the patriarchal culture of the newspaper industry.
• Only recently was there any representation of minorities. In this sample, only 5.1 percent of the comics featured an African-American parental figure as a main character.
• Depicted families tended to be middle class and nuclear in structure. Single parent families were rarely shown.
• Family-oriented comics came to dominate the funny papers after W.W.II.
• The proportion of comics that had fatherhood, motherhood or parenthood as a theme, regardless of reference to the holidays, mushroomed to nearly 25 percent in the 1990s.
• In the 1960s, in contrast to the 1950s, fathers were as likely as mothers to be depicted as nurturing and supportive, but more likely to be made fun of. This change was not due to an increase in the “warm and fuzzy” quotient of fathers, but to a decrease in the nurturing view of mothers as the women’s movement and social activism increased.
• In the 1970s, fathers were no more likely than mothers to be depicted as incompetent, a result of feminists gains in the 1960s.
• There was a dramatic increase in both paternal and maternal nurturing and support that began in the 1980s and continued through the 1990s.”

– Courtesy of medialit.org